A couple of weeks ago, I read a blog post on Facebook that upset me in such a way that I just had to respond. It reflected thoughts from a girl who does not have the desire to ever be married. I don't have a problem with that, but it was the reasoning behind it that disturbed me. In describing marriage, she referred to the union as "a trap, a trend, having to be bound to someone". She went on to say that as we are always growing and changing, if we are trapped in a marriage, it may "keep people from moving on and finding what they truly want."
Now, based on her thoughts, this girl is likely not concerned with the Bible or the Christian perspective, so I can't necessarily blame her for this kind of thinking. Sadly, more and more people are living their lives with this kind of mentality. I read an article once about an extremely famous power-couple who changed their wedding vows to say "for as long as our love shall last" instead of "for as long as I shall live". So why is it that people are so reluctant to commit themselves to another for a lifetime? The Bible tells us that marriage is a good thing (Prov 18:22). It was created by God as a covenant that represents the covenant between God and His people.
I am incredibly thankful that God gave me my husband of almost 10 years. Is it because we walk around holding hands, skipping through a field of flowers in wedded bliss all the time? Of course not. We have been through some incredibly difficult times. Moments when we seemed to be working against each other, moments where we've hurt one another, moments when we just plain didn't like one another. Yet today, we love and respect each other, and have an intimate, rich bond with one another that would never be the case if we only stayed together for as long as we were happy. You see, happiness is an emotion that changes with the wind. Real joy, true peace and security in the deepest parts of your soul, that is a way of life that only comes with doing the hard work of staying true to the solemn and binding partnership - the covenant - of marriage. Much the way that God's love for us is unfailing, even when we work against Him, hurt Him, and make the same mistakes over and over again.
So why is marriage good? Why does a man leave his father and mother and become one with his wife? Why did God know that covenant marriage, the way that He designed it, would be a blessing? Here are just a few of my answers to those questions:
BALANCE
Prior to meeting & marrying my husband, I was very stingy with, well, everything. My money, my things, my time. Out of fear, it was very difficult for me to give to others freely. The mindset I had was that if I gave these things away, then how would I take care of myself; my family? I worked hard for this money, my reward should be that I get to keep what I earned and find my security in it. I couldn't possibly give all of my time away either, no, I need "me" time. If I don't get enough "me" time, I won't feel rested enough to work hard for the money that I'm going to cling to...a viscous cycle. And then I met and married my husband. Due to a brief courtship, it wasn't until after we were married that I learned that my husband wanted to give everything we had - our money, our things, our time - away. Not only that, but he really just didn't care about money. How can you not care about money?! Through our years together, we have balanced each other out beautifully in this area. I have learned to hold loosely to these things that provide false security. He has learned the importance of saving and planning for the future. There are many other ways that we compliment each other: My husband is steady and consistent, an anchor to my emotional ups and downs. He is book smart, while I am more street smart. I tend to lead with my heart while he uses his head. I could go on but you get the idea. God knew that we would make each other better! Marriage is a good thing.
SEX
We are human and therefore, we all have desires. God created us in such a way that we are united in heart and body. You can't have one without the other. This is one of the many reasons why sex outside of marriage brings chaos, confusion and hurt. When my son was around 10 months old, we moved into a 3-level town home that - due to the number of stairs - was a mother's worst nightmare. I couldn't leave the room for 10 seconds for fear that he would attempt to head for the stairs and tumble down them head first. So we came up with a solution, and we bought one of those ginormous play gates. We built this huge enclosure in our living room so that he had plenty of freedom to scoot and crawl around with his toys, but we knew that he was trapped in that confined area and therefore; would not hurt himself. See the parallel yet? Much like a loving parent that creates boundaries for their children to keep them safe from harm, God gave us marriage; a place that protects us from illicit sexual behavior and yet allows us to enjoy the physical aspect of love. Within the confined boundary of marriage, there is real freedom to enjoy our sexual desires with our spouse. Yes, marriage is a GOOD thing.
SAFETY
When a man and a woman enter into a covenant of marriage, and commit their marriage to the Lord, (divorce not being an option), there is safety. You know, dating always kind of felt like auditioning to me. I hated it! Was I pretty enough? Funny enough? Did I talk too much or not enough? Did I have something stuck in my teeth? I've always imagined that living with someone without being married to them would feel the same way: a 24/7 audition. I could be eliminated from the competition at any time if I made the wrong move. But with my husband, I know that I can be myself - flaws and all - and I will still have his unconditional love. If his love for me stopped when I gain weight, or when I have a bad day and take it out on him, or when I act really selfish, or when I get sick and vomit in front of him, we would have been divorced a thousand times over by now. But his love is not dependent upon my behavior, because his love is a covenant that does not change with the tides. This is about as close a parallel as you can get here on earth to Jesus' love for us. Oh yes, marriage is a good thing.
These are just my top 3 of the many reasons why marriage is a good thing. So you can see why this girl's blog post struck me and made me feel truly sad for her. Living your life with a mission of self-gratitude will eventually catch up with you. It may feel like happiness in the moment, but the end result is rarely desirable. If I lived for self-gratification, I would weigh 500 lbs, I'd be broke, and I'd likely be alone!
My final thoughts...when my Grandpa passed away a couple of years ago, I had the honor of being at his bedside. In fact, three generations of our extended family surrounded him on every side, each of us with a hand on him as he breathed his last and went ahead of us to be with the Lord.
Moments earlier, my Grandma had kissed him on the forehead and encouraged him, telling him that it was ok for him to go. Then she grabbed hold of his hand and held on tight as he left this earth in perfect peace. Every time I think back to those final moments with him, I think -- now that's how I want to go one day. My Grandparents fought the good fight, they stayed together, serving Jesus side by side for over 60 years. They didn't give up on each other when things got tough. It wasn't an option for them. And they reaped the rewards of that commitment in their final years together. They vacationed together, went on long walks together, they were bound together in the same kind of love that binds us to Christ. I wonder what my Grandpa's death would have looked like if he had lived to satisfy his every desire. Would anyone even be there with him at all?
I'm so glad that my hubby put a ring on it!
