The Beginning

As I sit here typing, my blood pressure is attempting to settle back down to normalcy, my children are eating a quick -but not exactly healthy- lunch, and my low carb, low cal eggroll awaits me.  In the rush of getting lunch prepared for my four year old, Braxton and my two year old, Sadie, I yelled like a drill sergeant, (because apparently that's what it takes to get them to clean up their toys and wash their hands for lunch), and I swirled around the kitchen like a tornado cutting up their pizza and veggie straws (my attempt at throwing something at least partially healthy in there), barking orders and watching the clock to be sure I get to my at-home-on-the-computer job on time.

Now, as I'm settling in to work for the afternoon, the daily rush of guilt washes over me.  Did I spend quality time with them during the two hours of freedom I had this morning?  Do they truly understand that we are, indeed, blessed (even though sometimes it feels like a curse) that mommy gets to work from home (30+ hours a week)?  Is it their naptime yet?  (Ok, so that's not exactly a feeling of guilt but it is what I happened to be thinking just now.......aaaaaaaaaand more guilt)  Will they have positive memories of their childhood, and of a mommy and daddy that loved them and spent time with them?  Or will they end up in therapy and stick us with the bill?

Some days, when I have a moment to breathe, I stop and take a look at how much my life has changed dramatically over the past ten years.  And I can't help but think of how it all began...

Matt and I met somewhere around 2003.  The exact year is foggy because a) let's face it, we're not getting any younger and the years seem to get all mixed up in our memories and b) because our meeting wasn't really all that memorable.  (I love you, honey). We met at a small church that we were both helping to start up in Nashville, TN.  Matt was coming on as the Children's Pastor while I was the interim worship leader.  I was working my way up the ladder in private wealth management at a downtown bank, and he was in the music business.  At the time, we were both dating other people, and we became friends very gradually.  He would dog-sit for me while I flew to Texas to visit the guy I was dating at the time.  Eventually, we grew closer and started hiking together on the weekends, having long talks and becoming best friends.  By the spring of 2005, we had both become single and began dating each other, and 5 months later, my man proposed to me in a room full of candles.  Exactly one week later on November 4th, 2005, we got married in a small, private ceremony at our church with just our Pastor and his wife (with the blessing of our families).  We decided we would rather have the actual ceremony be truly intimate (well, that and we couldn't wait to be married to each other -- we've never been the patient type), and we began planning a big wedding 6 months later where I would wear a wedding dress and walk down the aisle and do all of the things that you do at a "normal wedding".

This is where the fun part begins...on February 13th of the following year, having been married exactly 3 months and 9 days, we discovered that we (well, I) was 5 weeks pregnant with Braxton Riley.  My first reaction?  Sheer thrill, happiness, elation!  My second reaction about 4 minutes later was "Ah, crap.  Now my wedding dress isn't gonna fit".  Then came the tears, then panic set in, and then I ate some peanut butter and chocolate Baskin Robbins ice cream.

And now here we are, almost 6 years later in the very small town of Cleveland, OK, and I'm fairly certain I just heard the sound of my little princess throwing her plate full of food to the floor.

...and this is just the beginning.