Braxton asked if we could go to the park today, and since we haven't been in awhile and I've been unable to do much with them over the past week due to having gallbladder surgery, I decided it was time for a trip to the park. (By the way, does anyone else find that certain parts of your body are becoming more and more unneccessary with age or is it just me?? First the tonsils, now the gallbladder. What's next? Nevermind - don't answer that.) Before we left the house, I got down on one knee and looked my boy straight in his sparkling blue eyes and said "There will be NO arguing whatsoever when it's time to leave the park...do we have a deal?" He agreed, "Deal!" and we shook on it.
We made the short drive to the park and I was proud of myself that I got out of the house and was doing something fun with them just 1 week after surgery. I was even plotting to take them to McDonald's afterwards for a special lunch. We stayed long enough for Brax to break the new world record for swing-heighth and for Sadie to try and eat sand 3.2 times and for all of us to have red, sweaty faces, when I announced (after several time-countdown warnings) that it was time for us to leave the park. And what is that I hear? No, surely that is not my beloved son going back on his word and arguing...surely not! We shook on it! Do handshakes mean nothing anymore??! I did my best to not respond in anger and to continue walking towards the van when I saw my son heading toward the fence to try to go under it instead of walking around it. I told him not to go under it. He did anyway. He fell and got hurt and there were tears. Still, I kept my cool. Atleast until the van doors were securely shut and we were safely inside a mostly soundproof vehicle. "I cannot believe you argued with me after the talk we had before we left the house! When will you learn not to argue and to be thankful when someone does something nice for you?! Do you know that some kids don't ever get to go to the park??!" (Ok, yeah that last one was a little weak, but it seemed like a good thing to say at the time) His reply: "I'm sorry, mommy. Can we go to McDonald's now?" Oooooh someone hold me back... At that point I was glad I was driving and forced to remain calm and keep both hands on the wheel. "Jesus, give me strength!" After counting to ten, I calmly informed my firstborn that we were going to drive through McDonalds, but that only Sadie and I were getting our lunch there. That we would go home and I would fix his lunch at home. More tears. "But mommy, I didn't understand what arguing meant!" ---Stay strong, Kali, stay strong--- "Mommy, I didn't mean to make those bad choices!" ---you can do this, Kali, don't give in!--- It got harder and harder the closer we got to those golden arches. Pulling up to that drive thru was pure torture as the voice inside the sign said "Will that happy meal be for a boy or for a girl?" Why did I feel like I was somehow being unfair??! His tears were piercing straight through to my heart and I so badly wanted to say "ok, we'll get you a happy meal too, but don't do it again, ok?" But would he really learn the lesson that way?
I get it now, that feeling my own parents used to express to me when I was being punished. The classic "this hurts me way more than it hurts you" line? Turns out it's true. Huh. And yet if we don't follow through with what we say, our children will learn that they cannot trust us. The truth is, I want to give my kids everything that they need AND everything that they want. But is it best for them? Or is it better for them to learn at an early age that our behavior and the way that we choose to treat others makes a big difference in the blessings we receive in this life. (I know some adults who never learned that lesson!) So we must stay strong in the trenches, and pray that the end result will be children that grow up to serve God, be humble, be respectful, work hard, and love others with all of their hearts. So basically, perfection. Or as close to it as possible. That's not too much to expect, right??
So we drove through McDonald's and came home with only one happy meal. Brax had an at-home lunch and he survived it, and so did I. One battle down. Several thousand more to go.
No comments:
Post a Comment