Sleep deprived. Leftovers from Boston Market. Walgreens in my pajamas. A loneliness that haunted and terrified and took me over.
Sirens. Blue and red lights. The kind eyes of a stranger. The hustle and bustle of the ER. Arguing with a nurse. IV's and monitors and blood pressure cuffs and all kinds of beeping.
Fast forward 10 years to November, 2011:
5:50am alarm, snooze button. Feeling my husband wrap his arms around me for morning snuggles. Tripping over my children's toys left out in the kitchen. The smell of my sweet 2 year old baby girl's breath. My precious 5 year old thanking me for the new "big boy" toothpaste I bought for him. The rush of getting the boys ready and out the door for the day.
The quiet that falls over the house after the boys leave.
Perspective.
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This November marks ten years.
Ten years ago, I was desperately trying to fill my soul with something only God could fill.
Ten years ago, I could not see any light in the darkness.
Ten years ago, I could not see past myself.
And I tried to take my own life. It was by the grace of God that I did not succeed.
I don't think it's a coincidence that our wedding anniversary falls in November. I can hardly stand to think that I could have missed out on this:
And this:
And especially these guys:
And this:
Ok, so maybe not so much on that last one...
But believe me, as long as you're still breathing, there is ALWAYS hope. You never know what tomorrow may bring if you stop tomorrow from happening.
2 Corinthians 4: 16-17: "This is the reason we do not give up. Our human body is wearing out. But our spirits are getting stronger every day. The little troubles we suffer now for a short time are making us ready for the great things God is going to give us forever."
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